…even if there’s no one sitting there.
It’s been well over a month since I last opened my virtual mouth and wrote anything here. In addition, it’s now been a month since my position was eliminated, aka, I lost my job. In some ways it’s been insanely liberating, in other ways its just as paralyzing as having a job that made me miserable was. I suppose I defined myself a lot more by what I did than I realized and now that I’m no longer a wage-earning member of society, I feel a bit useless some days. I miss that chair and what it represented to me but if I really stop and think about it, I don’t miss the job. I do miss interacting with people on a daily basis, but I don’t miss how I felt at the end of each day or the soul sucking commute.
The process of figuring out exactly what I should be doing has been daunting and some days it’s just easier to ignore the big ticket items on my to do list and focus on the tangible things I can control in my world. The cleanliness of my house, the chores that need doing and can easily be crossed off, rather than actually doing anything to contribute to my finding gainful employment. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I have the luxury of being part of a two-income home. Of course, with the government shutdown looming, I’m not sure what the next few weeks hold as far as my husband’s job. So there’s that kind of hanging over my head. That should be impetus enough to send me scurrying to the want ads. Problem is, I really want to make sure I get the right job. Thing about that is, I won’t know if it’s right until I get it. Catch 22, I suppose.
This whole opportunity I’ve been given to start fresh, to really figure out what I’m supposed to be doing may just be too much for me to handle. Maybe I just want the stability of a 9-5er, maybe I just want the chair.