fortification

 

oenophile, originally uploaded by dharmabumx.

Maybe it’s the darkness of the evening, maybe it’s the damp and grey nature of the day, maybe it’s the way I sat in my office all day feeling a little less productive than normal…I need a little fortification this evening. A little inspiration. A little intervention into my otherwise insanely routine life. I can write until I’m blue in the face about how I want to change my life, how I want to leave my job, how I want something more somewhere else but until I actually do something about it, or something is done for me, I’m all bark and no bite.

What do I want to do with my life. What do I need/want from my work environment. Is there anything out there that meets those needs and what kind of preparation will I need to do in order to go after it. I’m ill prepared aside from my resumé to go on any sort of interview, meaning I have no form of portfolio to show for my 12 years in the field. I’m behind the times when it comes to my design skills, although not my design talent. How hard would it be to just e-mail someone and tell them why they should hire me and in the same breath lay out my expectations for a work environment. I no longer feel that I have the luxury of devoting my life 100% to my career, nor do I really want to. I need to have a lot of flexibility in order to do my other job, that of mother. There’s no way I could do that full time, but doing anything else part time doesn’t really do anything other than pay for daycare, and that just seems frivolous. Furthermore I don’t know that part time work really exists anymore, not with the kind of benefits I’m used to having. Maybe the answer is to work for myself, but in order to do that I’d need some clue as to what it is I want to do, which leads me back to the beginning of this whole conversation I’m having daily with myself. I need inspiration. In the form of a kick in the ass or a pink slip. Because I’m currently clueless as to what I really should be doing. And until I figure that out, I’m just spinning my wheels and turning the calendar pages.

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