Good day, sunshine

The best part of being awake all night is when I look out the window in the nursery and see the sky tinged with orange and pink and pale blue…in fact, that particular color palette is part of my happy place, my focal point when I need to relax and recenter. As a result, I’m happiest when the dawn comes, when I realize I’ve survived another sleepless night to greet another brand new day of adventures in parenting. This crazy thing is getting somewhat easier, but at 1:15 am, when you’re sore and feeling irrational and the baby won’t stop crying no matter what you do and then you start crying because you’re not sure what you need for yourself or for him and it all just falls down around you…it’s good to know that at some point, the night ends. At some point, he does feed again in spite of the fact that he resists the boob all night long. At some point, he does rest again…like last night when he graced me with 4 solid (albeit not straight) hours of precious shut-eye. I need to learn to sleep when he sleeps. To rest when he rests. To make the most of every moment I do get to myself and to cherish every waking moment that I get to spend with him, regardless of my mental state. Hard to see the forest from the trees sometimes. Hard to be rational when your brain isn’t all there. But we’re getting there, one sunrise at a time:)

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