the drugs don’t work…

the tiny space between my ears is filled with a crushing pain. it hangs out behind one eyeball and just to the right of my left temple. it pushes its way down to the base of my skull and into my neck, taking over one half of my body and making me feel inhuman. pain management is something I’m not used to and I’m not the biggest fan of medicating. having gone to the doctor earlier this week, I do posess some rather effective migraine meds, however, I’m a bit afraid of how I’ll react to them. Of course, those rather pricey pills are sitting at home as opposed to here at my desk next to me and as this mind bending pain taking over half of my head slowly increases in intensity, I’m wondering how much longer I can sit here and wish the pain away…focus on something else…breathe deeply and slowly and hope that it causes me to be in a pain-free state of mind, if for only a few minutes.

I’ve long been the type of person who doesn’t believe in getting sick, who doesn’t believe in ailments of any sort. Broken bone, twisted ankle…sure. But aches and pains, rub some dirt on them and keep going. Suck it up.

This pain is putting me in my place…humbling me a little, I suppose. I’d rather not give into it, but it’s making it really hard not to. Giving up the exercise that I’ve been doing for well over a year isn’t really an option as far as I’m concerned. I’ll consider taking it down a notch, but I’m not going to stop moving…at least not until the pain puts me out of commission.

For now, I’ll read everything I can get my hands on. I’ll drink more water than I ever thought possible. I’ll pre-medicate on the days when I know my exercise will trigger pain just to cushion the blow a little bit (but not completely erase the pain). I’ll do everything in my power to make this as pleasant of an experience as possible.

All I want to do right now is curl up in a little ball and close my eyes. This isn’t normal. Ouch.

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