Webster’s dictionary defines the noun imbalance as lack of balance or the state of being out of equilibrium or out of proportion.
Apparently sometime between yesterday afternoon and this morning, I fell into such a state. A bit grouchy, a bit out of touch, somewhat snappish…making bad decisions with my mouth before my brain could catch up and stop it from opening. Something’s not jiving here. Maybe I’m trying to juggle all of the parts a little too quickly. Maybe it’s the travel catching up with me and the bad eating and lack of quality sleep and exercise. Regardless, I feel as though this ship is listing…not ready to sink by any means, just in need of a little righting…or maybe I just need a v8?
I’ve consistently felt that in the past few years I have found balance…through beginning to practice yoga, keeping up with a rather healthy diet and running. But I need to make space for balancing my relationships, in particular my marriage. I’m not the nicest person. I’m quick to judge and often deny my partner the ability to defend himself in arguments. I’m right, always, and that’s the way it is. I pick fights over stupid things. It needs to be more about the “we” and less about the “I”…and I’m not even sure where to begin in order to get to that place of equilibrium…because we’re never going to get to the next stage of our lives together if i can’t get us together right now.
Less focus on the self…shift to focus on the larger picture, where there’s someone standing beside me, my better half, my partner in crime, the one who promised to love me always…I need to learn to pay more attention to him, or face losing him.