Right now I’ve got a case of the “where’s your head at” blues.
Often times when I get overwhelmed with something in my life, my brain just shuts down. I’ve long been a bit of a procrastinator, it’s part of my nature. . .so I let things roll from day to day on my to do list, never quite finishing tasks. . .because when they’re done, what would I have to do?
Problem with all that is, in my new role here at the office, there’s even less of me to go around. . .and leaving laces to be tied at a later date is more likely to cause me to trip and fall flat on my face. . .so the stress mounds. . .and my brain just says “no”. . .and I cease to function. I make lists, only to see them sit there, unmarked. I start the day with lofty aspirations only to have them deflate halfway through the afternoon. I look at the clock and it’s already 4. Now granted I didn’t get in until after noon today but still. I feel as though my time here at the office today has been anything but productive. The thing of it is, I wanted all of this, the responsibility the ability to do more. . .at least I thought I did. now I’m feeling stretched thinner than a sheet of phyllo dough. . .a little frayed at the edges and trying like heck to get going to wrap things up. It’s really frustrating considering I see myself as a doer. . .someone successful. . .I think others see me that way as well. But right now, I’m feeling like a bit of a failure. Like I stepped into shoes that were entirely too big for me and it’s all I can do to try to walk two steps forward.
Yeah, I don’t handle overwhelmed well. . .but I bring it upon myself, I suppose. In my head I say, “ok, just START. . .the task isn’t that complicated, just DO it.” It’s the getting started that I struggle with the most.
And now I must get started. At 4pm. On stuff that I can knock out so that come tomorrow morning I can knock out a few more items on my punch list. . .things that HAVE to get done this week. Maybe a fresh start will help with all of that? Or maybe that’s the procrastinator in me speaking.