I awoke from a very terrible dream last night around 2:30 am.
That’s never a pleasant way to be roused from sleep.
In this dream, my roommate Mike and I were about to walk from his car to a racetrack (this part of the dream I’m assuming comes from one of the last conversations I had w/him before I went to bed about NASCAR). . .when I see this missile-like thing streaking high overhead in the atmosphere, it heads towards the horizon so I can’t see it anymore. . .but as we approach the track, we see on the jumbotron screens, scenes of chaos from DC, the missile has struck the city and much of it is wiped out. At this point I start freaking out b/c I fear that moosebraying may be dead. Mike comforts me and we go back to the car, which was parked in this field near a barn. . .the air was hot and humid. In the distance, I saw tornadoes. We ask the owners of this barn/house thing if we can hide in their cellar, then they let us in, but a tornado rips through the walkway between the barn and the house before I can get in. I’m looking directly at the exterior wall of a funnel cloud, but not feeling any wind. . .
then I woke up.
wondering if moosebraying was ok.
maybe I don’t need to sleep alone anymore. I don’t like waking up wondering where my husband-to-be is.
hard to say what the significance of this dream was. it was very real. I’m missing a lot more details this late in the day, I should’ve written them down this morning.
Life seems hard to put into words lately. Most likely reason why I haven’t posted as of late.
I’ve toyed w/going back to a paper journal, but I never can seem to find the right frame of mind or space to do that either. There’s so much going on, so much change, and at the same time, none of it really seems consequential enough to write about. I’ve written so many entries in my head. Sitting in traffic. Lying in bed in the morning. None of them make their way to paper.
I’m becoming braindead. . .I suppose.
Or perhaps it is just the “all-at-oncedness” of it all, overwhelming my mind more than I’m aware. . .every once in a while manifesting itself in this manic state where I feel really irritable and cranky and bitchy, taking it out on those around me. Its not me. not me at all.
I haven’t become “bridezilla”. Just more control freakish than normal.
You know those times when you say something, then hear it come out of your mouth, and wonder what provoked you to say that? Yeah. I feel that way often.
I’m in a fairly normal state this week. I just kinda try to take each day as it goes.
78 days until I marry the most wonderful man.
I think I can make it til then in one piece.